Find Chuck Norris Medical Jokes and Facts at Chuck Norris Planet

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face
Chuck Norris can taste lies
4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag
"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot
Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him
Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire
When Chuck Norris sneeze, he doesn't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off
Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale
The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind
Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel

Chuck Norris Facts

In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".

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