Find Chuck Norris History Jokes and Facts at Chuck Norris Planet

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It's actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it's simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge
Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel

Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

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